"Hi, Meet My Girlfriend!"

I like women. Yep, I do.

For a while now I've been wondering how it would be to have a girlfriend. Of course there are battles, but still it seems quite nice. To have someone who cares for you and love you, like a friend, but also like something more.

Then how will it be when I get a girlfriend? How will my friends react? And my family? Of course I have to tell them my little secret before that time, but will they be like all OK with it, or won't they like her at all? There's so may questions, but so few answers.

And if we say that I find a girlfriend, we fall in love, move in together, and, at the end, get married. If I then go home for vacation to Norway, what will happen? Me wandering through my hometown, meeting old classmates and so. They being 30, working at an office, having a wife or a husband, and maybe a child or more. Me working as a text writer or something, with my wife, and now home for vacation. Will it be just great? Or not?

Yes, and of course, the meeting with a former teacher. They might be retired, or in their middle age working. Ol' an' gray, but still with that same character as they used to have. "Hi, meet my girlfriend! Ain't she sweet?" How would they react? What would they think of me? Will they reply with "Satan has taken you!" or "Oh, hello! Yes, she's adorable!"

Yep, I really want a girlfriend...

Snow, Dear Snow

This is unbelievable news: We have snow! The snow has been here a week now, but it's on it's way back to under the ground. That's a bit sad, though. Because I love snow.

Here where I live the winter lasts for about 2 weeks broken up in smaller pieces of about 4 days in a row with less than 0 degrees Celsius (32 degrees Fahrenheit or less). Now it's been exactly one week with snow and about -5 degrees (Celsius) every day, plus five days with a bright sky.

If you don't live in a place without winter, I would say it's hard to understand. But let so be. There's never a white Christmas (nor for those who live south for the equator, but you don't count,) the whole winter, except 2 weeks, is gray, rainy and dark. No fun. It's not even fun to drink hot chocolate.

But I've been skiing and figure skating on a real lake (without cooling devises in it)! I'm sorry if it's a bit too much snow talk, but really. It's snow! Who doesn't melt when they see lovely white dots falling from heaven?

And by tomorrow it'll be gone...

Home, Sweet Home...?

I read this article in an add-in magazine called Magasinet about "the art of teaching." There was an interview with the Minister of Education as well, and he told what to do to make people become teachers. The school standard isn't so high if you look at test results and stuff compared to other European countries. And that might be caused by some bad teachers. Or bad education of the teachers... I guess on the second one.

So, when I sat there reading, I came up with something: I don't think I'll suck as a teacher. Maybe I'll be quite good. Who knows? Then I thought a little more about it, and was like: That would be quite fun, actually! And maybe I then would return to my home country, where I'm born and raised. Who knows?

The problem is that I've never felt so home here. I don't feel Norway's the place for me. And even if it is... What if homosexuality will never be totally accepted by Norwegians. Especially not Norwegian parents. What if they think I'll recruit others? Or that the kids will come with comments like "Eww... Like kissing girls?" or "That's so disgusting!"

The truth is that I don't believe they will be in ten years. Many of them aren't like that today either. Even though many of them try to be... So, if I'll ever be a teacher and be out as gay, I probably won't meet 20 death threats a day. Or at least I hope not. It won't be that bad.

But another thing is that I don't want to meet people I know. And be out. Maybe that's what I'm most scared of. Maybe not. But I think I'll stick to that theory. I don't want to meet the homeroom teacher I had in eight to tenth grade when I'm 25-30 years old and be like "Hi, nice to see you again! Here, meet my girlfriend [Whatever the name she'll have]. Not gonna happen.

Maybe I won't stay in Norway as I think about it... Nope.

The Big Talk

I've had some problems with myself the past half a year. Now I kind of know what it's about. Before I didn't. And with my personal problems, I've also had a bit of problem with my homeroom teacher. It's not like she's mean or anything, it's just me.

So we have kind of a chat with our homeroom teacher twice a year or something where we talk about how it's going, both socially, personally and at school.
At Monday it was my turn to talk to my homeroom teacher. In November, at the same type of thing, I told her I was having some trouble. She asked: "In what sort of way?" And I, rambling through my head to come up with something, cause I would never tell her the fact that I'm having identity problems (or not as in sexual identity), wasn't able to say anything else than religion. There I was, telling her about my confirmation (a thing where we "study" religion outside school (and those who go Christian talk a lot about Christianity and the Bible)), not being accepted by my family and all. Then she told me that she's a member of HEF, an organization for atheists and agnostics. And this time we talked more about that.

The point is that I just can't get myself to tell her something like "I'm gay," because:
* The words will not come out of my mouth in Norwegian. And I will not start talking English with her just out of the blue.
* I'm not sure.
* I'm sorry, but I'm a bit ashamed.
* Does she even have anything to do with it?
* I don't want to be all "OMG, I have problems! So many!! HELP ME!!!"
* Yes, and I'm a bit afraid she won't care. And talk to everybody about it. (Even though I know she won't.)

I really wish she would just ask me. She knows there's something up, just not what. And when I miss lead her with religion and all, it's not helping. Jeez...

Life ain't easy...