Saving Letters

Dear mom and dad,

I wish life was easy. And I wish you understood me as me.

As from a young age I've had my problems. I've tend to be very angry at times, arguing and unhappy. As well as tearing on my own life, I've for sure made others' worse than it should. My life has been a roller coaster filled with some happiness and a lot of sadness. Didn't you see that?

I can remember that I once was very angry at school, and one day I refused to attend class after lunch break. Something came over me, I'm sure, even though I have no idea what it was. But I was so angry! I hit my teacher who tried to get me inside, I started screaming, and my eyes flooded with tears. I was broken, for whatever reason. After that episode the teacher called back home to tell you. You asked me, I didn't answer.

Sometimes, when I was in primary, I started to cry for no reason, usually in class. Maybe we were listening to some music to relax after a long day filled with Math, Norwegian and Science. Or it might've been me sitting by myself doing handcraft, thinking about everything and nothing. I just burst out in tears. What it was, I can't tell you. Because I have no idea. Or, at least it's just vague guesses.

What I know is that this sadness still got me. Somehow it won't leave an inch. Why am I like this?

There was this episode in third grade. The nurse was at the school to check how we were doing, measuring height and weight and stuff. Then we talked a little each with her. As a small school, this was what they did. Or... I guess so. I had to talk with her twice. This was right after your divorce, but I was feeling kinda OK. Still, I had to talk with the nurse twice. To this day I can't remember anything from our conversations, else than that I was crying real bad. I have no idea why - crying is the only thing I can remember.

This sadness hasn't managed to leave me to this date. It's not as present as it was when I was younger, but it sure is here today too. I want it to leave!

Today I'm a different person than one and a half year ago. I'm not as stupid and naive, and I've become a more real person. But I'm still hiding, and I'm still sad. The last year I've learned a lot about myself. I know stuff about myself I kind of hoped you would notice, and kind of hoped you'd never see. I'm not telling you that right now, and right direct, but I want to know this: Didn't you see?

I've been depressed. I've been too close to suicide. I've been hating myself so bad. Some of it is gone now, some of it isn't. How couldn't you see that? Your psychiatrists for God's sake! And you didn't see the signs. Maybe you wouldn't see. I don't know. And no, it's not over yet. I've got quite a way to go before I'm really real and myself. But I've made it so far, so why shouldn't I manage to walk the last bit without you?

I've been alone. I am alone. Let's hope the rest of the road will be easier to find and easier to follow. What I've learned? Life isn't easy. Maybe it's not supposed to be easy either. But you're making things so much harder when you're without someone - anyone - by your side.

You don't see what's right in front of you, right?

---


If life was as easy as writing a letter. And yes, this is me being fully honest. Not 97% honest, as to this blog, not 85% honest, as to the psychologist. But a 100 percent honest. Follow my lead?

My life is a lie. Deal with it.

Who Cares?

Arguing. Discussions. Every person got it's own point of view, even though it sometimes isn't very strong presented. So; Why do we even care being disagree?

I just checked in on the discussion forum on Unge Venstre's web page. Scrolling down on several topics, a thought popped into my mind: Why do we even care? Why do we start arguing in the first place? Why care about politics?

Well, I'm pretty obsessed with politics, and it's hard to not find anything to discuss when talking to me. I got an opinion on everything. And something I find very negative in our present society is how many who tends to not care. OK, maybe it's something that have been for forever, but really? REALLY?! How can't you care about your wage, children's education, health care and civil rights? You serious?

Still, there's one thing I would like to be: I wish schools were more up to front political participation. That we would learn more about politics in general, debating, the different political parties, and what the politics actually does. Because I believe not that many my age knows too much about politics. Since we never learn about it in school...

Yeah, that was just a shout out to... Everyone?
Anyway; Politics rock!

Political Parties

I'm seriously up to get involved in politics. Like in a political party. But I just have to find out what party to join... That will be hard.

My Dad's very active in the local KrF (Christian People's Party*), but they're way too conservative for me. I think I'll end with Venstre (Left*), SV (Sosialistic Left*), Ap (The Workers Party*) or Rødt (Read*). But I don't know. And that's what I have to figure out now.

The things I think is important, is education, economics, environment and equality. And this is what I think about each of it:

Education:
* Longer school days with free warm school meals every day and many clubs and activities on school, making school a place to come together.
* Better learning environment and better teachers.
* More parted teaching, easier for "smart kids" to learn new stuff and not getting bored to death.
* A new and proper school revolution.

Economics:
* Using more of our oil funds' money to better schools, hospitals and other communal agencies.
* Help poor countries to develop by learning, not cold hard cash.
* Play a bigger part in the world's economics.

Environment:
* More and higher taxes on pollution.
* Play a bigger part in global environmental issues.
* Bigger resources to scientists working on environmental issues and solutions.

Equality:
* Better education on minorities at school, such as immigrants, the LGBTQ community, and people in different parts of the community.
* More open debates.

Now I see why there are so many argues at home...

*Directly translated, I have no idea what they would be called if they had English names. I just know they're pretty liberal all of them.