Feminine Enough

Am I feminine enough? Clearly my mother doesn't think so. In the car yesterday, she started talking about me and my closet. She wants me to dress up in a pink dress every single day, and care about heels. I like pink (as long as it's not overly sweet and candyish), and I, believe it or not, do wear clothes of the color sometimes. Not every single day, but often enough. And heels... I care! Girls in heels are sexy. But it's not necessary to put my feet in some.

I quote, "You should dress more feminine. It's not that you don't have money, right? Because then it's just to ask. But you could definitely take advantage of some heels and a nice dress." Can I call her in for Child Services? Maybe not, but who says something like that to their child?

Seriously, she didn't mind before. And trust me, I haven't changed into a big butch last half a year. No, I've just been me. As honest as I can let myself around my friends and family. But no, I haven't dressed as a pinup lately (or ever). Still, I'm not that butch. I'm actually quite femme. So why does she at a sudden care?

And what's really the problem not being super-feminine? It's not like Armageddon will come right away if I don't wear my white dress with pink polka dots for school tomorrow. Or, maybe... I think we got a new conspiracy made!

I am who I want to be. Feminine as hell, under-the-hat butch, or androgynous as the moon.

Yes, I Am Complaining

So yeah... My grandparents are here coming from the other side of the country because Mom left my brother and I three weeks ago for some conference and Dad and his wife went to Naxos, Greece this Friday. And I truly wish they didn't come.

I've said some words about my grandparents. They're quite right wings and (not so) mildly conservative, quite opposite of me, which has caused some problems concerning my relationship with them. That definitely sucks, but on the other hand, I can't get away from that I love discussions.

Even though, them being here with me the whole weekend has been challenging. I don't know what's up with them, but I suspect Grandma trying to make everything good again (from what they did when I was having my confirmation). And Grandpa is just acting as nothing's changed. My dreams...

Speaking honest: I know I can be quite harsh with people sometimes, but it's just because I want to challenge the way people look at each other and the rest of the world. I (usually) don't mean anything bad about it. But with my grandparents... I can't deny I'm still a bit mad at them. But if you ask me they haven't done anything trying to make everything good again, so I think I should be allowed to show my feelings for once.

The only thing I want is an apology. Which I probably will never get. And now they're making my weekend worse than it has to be. I don't appreciate it. If you don't like who I am, stay out of my life! I just want to be happy.

I'm angry at them. That's just how it is. Fin.