Talking About It

I wish I was out to everyone. Or that I could come out to everyone. But at the moment I can't.

The last half a year I've lost friends. I just stopped talking to them, stopped being with them. I kind of isolated myself from the world. And I regret. I wish I wasn't that a bitch that escaped from her friends just because she had some bad days. I don't want to be like that.

What if I one day would just knock on the front door at one of my friend's house? Just ask her whether I could talk with her. Tell her I'm gay, that I like girls, or just say "Girl, just so you know: You can have your boys for yourself as long as I can have my girls." If life was that easy...

Yesterday I was about to yell "I'm gay!" into the living room. Still, I didn't. Because I'm a big wimp too afraid to be myself. That sucks. And when writing about it: I can barely say homosexual and gay in Norwegian. That's how accepting I am towards myself; I can't say what I am, not to myself nor to anyone else.

High five for being gay and super-not-accepting!