I'm freakin' scared.
So... I'm back at the psych tomorrow. Which is terrifying. Last time I sat in that red chair I was stiff as a statue, could barely speak, and didn't really know what this actually means. So why am I even going?
Difficult things sucks. I really don't want do this. Discussing my life, my love, my person - me. Can't I just leave it alone? What if I just quit? Because I am a quitter, after all. And I can quit whenever I want. But why not?
It's not worth it. Quitting wont make it easier. It will probably just make it harder. Living on an eight all the time is worse than living on a ten sometimes, and five other times. But it wouldn't hurt if everything was a bit easier.
Maybe I'm not a quitter after all... Really, I don't know. But I know I'll try my best not quitting therapy (I can call it that now, right?) before I'm over this mess. Try my best. Doing what I'm supposed to do, what I'm asked to do. And right now I feel both myself and the rest of the world wants me to continue. Make it better for myself. And for everyone else.
I'm not going to quit. Still, I'm more than a little confused. Talking is really scary, confusing and bad at the same time. But I'm not going to quit.
Want to be scared with me?