This day is both a failure and an improvement. We had semester finals in English today, where we was to choose between 5 different tasks to write about. I (of course) chose the one where you should write about something challenging you in life at this time, and I wrote this text about me being depressed and going to a shrink. Great (read with irony)! Now it's just to wait for the feedback. It probably sucks. And I delivered myself out way too much. But that be. Take it as it comes. And relax. Right?
So the English was a major failure. And the psych...? Actually not that bad after all. But I got this tension, and because he has a degree in psychology, he definitely noticed. We mostly talked about this tension and anxiety I have, that I don't like to talk about this whole gay thing, and what could happen if I come out. It was as if I sat on needles the whole hour, and I kind of feel it still at this point, but it was OK. He's a decent guy.
Though, I told him today that I write this blog, and that I write in English in stead of Norwegian. He replied that a lot of people do so (writing in another language than their mother tongue), and said that this is because when you write in another language than you talk on a daily basis, everything becomes more distant. Which I kind of figured out already. But that be. Psychiatrists as parents does something with you... My brother and I are perfect examples on that.
At the end he asked me whether I want to take it slow and kind of just gently swipe what I don't like to talk about, or go more directly into it. He must have sensed that I probably need a push into it. Because it really ain't easy. So I said it was OK to take it a bit more direct. Since we today didn't talk anything about my sexual orientation today, though we both probably knew that we were, just without mention any words on it...
So next appointment Thursday next week. Which is more frequently than before. I don't know whether that's good or bad, but whatever. I'll try not to worry too much now. Take it as it comes. Though that project will probably fail.
Yes, and the psychoanalyzing thing... He psychoanalyzes me, and I psychoanalyze him back. That's OK, right? It makes it easier for me, at least, when I believe I understand what he's thinking. I might not, but that be.
So now I'm officially a crazy blogger, blogging about me, myself and my life. Not so interesting... But please don't judge.