I wish I was out to everyone. Or that I could come out to everyone. But at the moment I can't.
The last half a year I've lost friends. I just stopped talking to them, stopped being with them. I kind of isolated myself from the world. And I regret. I wish I wasn't that a bitch that escaped from her friends just because she had some bad days. I don't want to be like that.
What if I one day would just knock on the front door at one of my friend's house? Just ask her whether I could talk with her. Tell her I'm gay, that I like girls, or just say "Girl, just so you know: You can have your boys for yourself as long as I can have my girls." If life was that easy...
Yesterday I was about to yell "I'm gay!" into the living room. Still, I didn't. Because I'm a big wimp too afraid to be myself. That sucks. And when writing about it: I can barely say homosexual and gay in Norwegian. That's how accepting I am towards myself; I can't say what I am, not to myself nor to anyone else.
High five for being gay and super-not-accepting!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
National Coming Out Day
It's US National Coming Out Day. Which made me think:
I'm not nearly out yet. The only person I've come out to is one of my best friends (and a couple of people in the health sector), so I must say I got a way to go. But thanks to all the other queers around (both here in Norway and around the world) who have come out, it might be easier for me the day I finally decide to be honest about who I am to everyone around me.
And I can't wait. I just can't wait for the day I can be myself, the day I don't have to be scared anymore. The day I come out to my family might end up as hell, but from that day I can be me.
Yes, I certainly know it's hard to come out. I'm scared my coming out story will end up bad, and it's quite secure being in the closet for me at the moment. But I still want to do it. Come out. Living a lie ain't easy either. And even how horrible my family might take it when I tell them I'm gay: I can't keep lying to myself for the rest of my life. I think that might be worse.
So... I can't be all proud and happy that I'm gay today. I can't celebrate that I'm out. Because I'm not, at least not today. A year form now; Maybe. But not today. Even though: Today, October 11th, is an important day. A couple of years from now I might stroll around the town I live in and be gay and proud, supporting everyone in the closet as well as out in the free. I look forward to that day.
Good luck, everyone!
I'm not nearly out yet. The only person I've come out to is one of my best friends (and a couple of people in the health sector), so I must say I got a way to go. But thanks to all the other queers around (both here in Norway and around the world) who have come out, it might be easier for me the day I finally decide to be honest about who I am to everyone around me.
And I can't wait. I just can't wait for the day I can be myself, the day I don't have to be scared anymore. The day I come out to my family might end up as hell, but from that day I can be me.
Yes, I certainly know it's hard to come out. I'm scared my coming out story will end up bad, and it's quite secure being in the closet for me at the moment. But I still want to do it. Come out. Living a lie ain't easy either. And even how horrible my family might take it when I tell them I'm gay: I can't keep lying to myself for the rest of my life. I think that might be worse.
So... I can't be all proud and happy that I'm gay today. I can't celebrate that I'm out. Because I'm not, at least not today. A year form now; Maybe. But not today. Even though: Today, October 11th, is an important day. A couple of years from now I might stroll around the town I live in and be gay and proud, supporting everyone in the closet as well as out in the free. I look forward to that day.
Good luck, everyone!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The Psych
So this whole blog has ended up as a public diary for people who cares or are interested in my life and my thoughts. But OK, I'm ruling over the whole thing, right?
Anyway, today I was talking to a psychologist for the first time. I've been to the nurse three times, and she asked me whether or not I want to talk to a psych in stead of her. And I said yes. So I went to talk with this Fredrik guy.
In the beginning, after I said I would like to talk to him, I really didn't know why I said yes at all. But I got an appointment and went down to the place he works. Thankfully a good friend walked down with me, so I would actually enter the building. I sat down and waited for him, and after a couple of minutes he called me into his office.
We sat down, and he started by going through some agreements and basic info. Then he told me what the nurse had said about me after talking to her, and asked me what I thought about the situation. I said I wasn't quite sure about the whole thing and what's making me depressed. I also told him some about me and myself and what could cause the feelings I have.
After a while just talking (and me mentioning my family a couple of (thousand) times), he said he wanted draw a history line. We went down on Mom and Dad's relationship with each other and with me, the divorce and stuff. It ended up quite interesting because I haven't thought so much about my relationship with my parents (or in this context), and it made me think. It seemed like it made Fredrik think as well, but I don't know...
It was quite successful, after all, and I'm going back in two weeks. Let's hope it helps and that I get over this...
Anyway, today I was talking to a psychologist for the first time. I've been to the nurse three times, and she asked me whether or not I want to talk to a psych in stead of her. And I said yes. So I went to talk with this Fredrik guy.
In the beginning, after I said I would like to talk to him, I really didn't know why I said yes at all. But I got an appointment and went down to the place he works. Thankfully a good friend walked down with me, so I would actually enter the building. I sat down and waited for him, and after a couple of minutes he called me into his office.
We sat down, and he started by going through some agreements and basic info. Then he told me what the nurse had said about me after talking to her, and asked me what I thought about the situation. I said I wasn't quite sure about the whole thing and what's making me depressed. I also told him some about me and myself and what could cause the feelings I have.
After a while just talking (and me mentioning my family a couple of (thousand) times), he said he wanted draw a history line. We went down on Mom and Dad's relationship with each other and with me, the divorce and stuff. It ended up quite interesting because I haven't thought so much about my relationship with my parents (or in this context), and it made me think. It seemed like it made Fredrik think as well, but I don't know...
It was quite successful, after all, and I'm going back in two weeks. Let's hope it helps and that I get over this...
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Too Desperate
I'm totally too desperate. Just check out what I wrote this Monday for a written task in English... The task was to "write a modern short story about two people in love, and parents who, for some reason, don't accept it."
Hiding
“Hi! Come inside. Christopher? Daniel is here!” Chris’ mother closed the door after Dan. And just within a couple of seconds he could see Chris at the top of the staircase. His beautiful smile lightened the whole face of Chris, and Dan couldn’t do other than to smile back at him.
“Hi!” Chris said, “I’ve just started reading. Come upstairs!”
They went into his room and sat down on the bed. Dan opened his bag and pulled out his English books.
“So…” Chris went, “Have you thought about it yet?”
“Eh… What?” said Dan, looking at Chris.
“Well, do you want us to be a couple?”
“Oh, that. Of course I want to. It’s just… You know, difficult.”
“I know it’s difficult. Life is difficult! And I don’t mean we should go official or anything. I’m not crazy. But… Well, I don’t know.” Chris lowered his head.
“Listen, Chris: I really like you. And I want to be with you. But my family, your family and the whole town make it hard.” Now Dan took Chris’ hands in his: “Let’s be together. I would love to. OK?”
“OK.” Now Chris smiled: “I really do love you.”
“So, senior prom is next Friday. Have you got a date yet?” Dan’s best friend, Greg, asks him after PE class.
“Well, not really…” Dan said. Or, technically he did have a date, but could he pull it through with Chris?
“You have to ask Jessica,” Greg kept going, as in another world: “She’s totally the sexiest girl of the seniors. Or, didn’t Dylan ask her? Now, I don’t know, but it doesn’t hurt to ask, right?”
“Yeah…” Dan replied, not interested.
“Anyway, you better get on gear before all the hotties are gone!”
Get on gear… No, more likely get the courage to go to prom with a guy. Courage, that was the thing.
“Chris?” Dan said. He sat on the green carpet on the floor, and looked up at Chris studying in the bed: “Do you want to go to prom with me?”
“What?” he said, surprised.
“You and me. At prom. Do you want to?”
“Are you seriously?” Dan nodded. “Yes! Of course I will! But wait. What about Mom and Dad? They’re definitely going to find out if we go.”
“Then we have to tell them.”
Chris and Dan were terrified about telling them. Both of their families were Catholics, and shared a vision that a man and a woman should get married and have children. Not to men. What if they denied it all? Or what if they would disown them, kick them out of the house and cut finances?
The evening before prom Chris checked over his suit for the last time. His mother entered his room: “So, who’s the lucky girl? You haven’t told me yet.”
“Mom, I have to tell you something,” Chris started: “I’m going to prom with Dan.”
“What? Are you…?” Chris’ mother asked slowly.
“Yes.”
“Then get out of my house.”
The doorbell rang at Dan’s house, and Dan opened. He had tears in his eyes, and the sound of someone crying inside reached all the way to the door.
“Oh… You told them as well?” Chris asked.
“Yes. What happened with you?” Dan could see that Chris carried a dark blue bag with him.
“I was kicked out of the house.”
“Shoot.”
Then Dan went to his room, packed a bag as well, and together he and Chris went outside to Dan’s car. They put their belongings into the trunk, and drove into the night.
“So, what do we do now?” Dan asked.
“I got an aunt in San Francisco. She might let us stay there a couple of days.”
“San Francisco... That’s a 12 hour drive.”
“True. But it’s probably the best solution at the moment.”
“Then let’s go.”
Read and judge me yourself. And yes; I did got an A+, even though I definitely didn't deserve it...
Hiding
“Hi! Come inside. Christopher? Daniel is here!” Chris’ mother closed the door after Dan. And just within a couple of seconds he could see Chris at the top of the staircase. His beautiful smile lightened the whole face of Chris, and Dan couldn’t do other than to smile back at him.
“Hi!” Chris said, “I’ve just started reading. Come upstairs!”
They went into his room and sat down on the bed. Dan opened his bag and pulled out his English books.
“So…” Chris went, “Have you thought about it yet?”
“Eh… What?” said Dan, looking at Chris.
“Well, do you want us to be a couple?”
“Oh, that. Of course I want to. It’s just… You know, difficult.”
“I know it’s difficult. Life is difficult! And I don’t mean we should go official or anything. I’m not crazy. But… Well, I don’t know.” Chris lowered his head.
“Listen, Chris: I really like you. And I want to be with you. But my family, your family and the whole town make it hard.” Now Dan took Chris’ hands in his: “Let’s be together. I would love to. OK?”
“OK.” Now Chris smiled: “I really do love you.”
“So, senior prom is next Friday. Have you got a date yet?” Dan’s best friend, Greg, asks him after PE class.
“Well, not really…” Dan said. Or, technically he did have a date, but could he pull it through with Chris?
“You have to ask Jessica,” Greg kept going, as in another world: “She’s totally the sexiest girl of the seniors. Or, didn’t Dylan ask her? Now, I don’t know, but it doesn’t hurt to ask, right?”
“Yeah…” Dan replied, not interested.
“Anyway, you better get on gear before all the hotties are gone!”
Get on gear… No, more likely get the courage to go to prom with a guy. Courage, that was the thing.
“Chris?” Dan said. He sat on the green carpet on the floor, and looked up at Chris studying in the bed: “Do you want to go to prom with me?”
“What?” he said, surprised.
“You and me. At prom. Do you want to?”
“Are you seriously?” Dan nodded. “Yes! Of course I will! But wait. What about Mom and Dad? They’re definitely going to find out if we go.”
“Then we have to tell them.”
Chris and Dan were terrified about telling them. Both of their families were Catholics, and shared a vision that a man and a woman should get married and have children. Not to men. What if they denied it all? Or what if they would disown them, kick them out of the house and cut finances?
The evening before prom Chris checked over his suit for the last time. His mother entered his room: “So, who’s the lucky girl? You haven’t told me yet.”
“Mom, I have to tell you something,” Chris started: “I’m going to prom with Dan.”
“What? Are you…?” Chris’ mother asked slowly.
“Yes.”
“Then get out of my house.”
The doorbell rang at Dan’s house, and Dan opened. He had tears in his eyes, and the sound of someone crying inside reached all the way to the door.
“Oh… You told them as well?” Chris asked.
“Yes. What happened with you?” Dan could see that Chris carried a dark blue bag with him.
“I was kicked out of the house.”
“Shoot.”
Then Dan went to his room, packed a bag as well, and together he and Chris went outside to Dan’s car. They put their belongings into the trunk, and drove into the night.
“So, what do we do now?” Dan asked.
“I got an aunt in San Francisco. She might let us stay there a couple of days.”
“San Francisco... That’s a 12 hour drive.”
“True. But it’s probably the best solution at the moment.”
“Then let’s go.”
Read and judge me yourself. And yes; I did got an A+, even though I definitely didn't deserve it...
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Emotionally Crazy Ride Or Something
OK. Now breathe.
Yesterday I was talking with the nurse again. Alone. And I'm... Well, I think it's hard to talk about the whole gay issue (because it is now) in Norwegian. The words seem wrong, nothing really fit with my thoughts, and everything's just wrong. Which sucks. Big time. And I have no idea what to do.
So we talked for about 45 min (which is crazy long). Discussing everything, I guess. But it was like I didn't knew what to say because I didn't quite knew how I feel at the moment. So I kind of ended up pulling out a lot of shit, and blah... This is probably the first time I'm not quite sure how to express myself at all; The language(s), the words, the meanings, the feelings. Nothing's working right now concerning words. Not even written.
But still: I definitely see that I'm happier now than two weeks ago. So even though my thoughts are going crazy in my head, I've talked about it. And I see that writing can help, but talking in general can help more. Because for me it's way more personal to say something than writing something (even though I put my soul into my writing).
What scares me the most is if the nurse doesn't take me seriously (but I think she does). No, I have no idea what she can really do to help me. I don't see any solution. But somehow it is helping. Just getting everything out.
What is bad about this talking thing (except the fact that I'm lost in the world of words) is that I don't really know why I ended up at the nurse's office in the first place. No, I'm not happy with my life. I don't like to be gay. I'm scared. But is that the key to happiness? To not be scared anymore? To fully accept the fact that I'm gay? Will I see the good sides of life then? Or is it something else?
There might be something else. I've had some struggles in my life. But who hasn't? Why am I the sad girl, not someone else? Why am I in the emotional cellar?
All I want is to find out what's going on. Yes, I have been psychoanalyzing myself quite a few times (social heritage, don't blame me), but I can't find the root to this mess.
Blah. Self-psychoanalyzing sucks. Especially when it's me about me. Any idea what to do? What to say? I guess she thinks (or that's what my friend and I told her) it's all about the gay thing. Honestly, I don't know.
Anyway, she talked about sending me to this guy named Fredrik. I think he's a shrink or something. Psychologist. Can I say I hope she does? Because I do.
As said before: Shrinks and psychologists should not have kids. Or at least not with each other. Because they're crazy.
Yesterday I was talking with the nurse again. Alone. And I'm... Well, I think it's hard to talk about the whole gay issue (because it is now) in Norwegian. The words seem wrong, nothing really fit with my thoughts, and everything's just wrong. Which sucks. Big time. And I have no idea what to do.
So we talked for about 45 min (which is crazy long). Discussing everything, I guess. But it was like I didn't knew what to say because I didn't quite knew how I feel at the moment. So I kind of ended up pulling out a lot of shit, and blah... This is probably the first time I'm not quite sure how to express myself at all; The language(s), the words, the meanings, the feelings. Nothing's working right now concerning words. Not even written.
But still: I definitely see that I'm happier now than two weeks ago. So even though my thoughts are going crazy in my head, I've talked about it. And I see that writing can help, but talking in general can help more. Because for me it's way more personal to say something than writing something (even though I put my soul into my writing).
What scares me the most is if the nurse doesn't take me seriously (but I think she does). No, I have no idea what she can really do to help me. I don't see any solution. But somehow it is helping. Just getting everything out.
What is bad about this talking thing (except the fact that I'm lost in the world of words) is that I don't really know why I ended up at the nurse's office in the first place. No, I'm not happy with my life. I don't like to be gay. I'm scared. But is that the key to happiness? To not be scared anymore? To fully accept the fact that I'm gay? Will I see the good sides of life then? Or is it something else?
There might be something else. I've had some struggles in my life. But who hasn't? Why am I the sad girl, not someone else? Why am I in the emotional cellar?
All I want is to find out what's going on. Yes, I have been psychoanalyzing myself quite a few times (social heritage, don't blame me), but I can't find the root to this mess.
Blah. Self-psychoanalyzing sucks. Especially when it's me about me. Any idea what to do? What to say? I guess she thinks (or that's what my friend and I told her) it's all about the gay thing. Honestly, I don't know.
Anyway, she talked about sending me to this guy named Fredrik. I think he's a shrink or something. Psychologist. Can I say I hope she does? Because I do.
As said before: Shrinks and psychologists should not have kids. Or at least not with each other. Because they're crazy.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Yes, I Am Complaining
So yeah... My grandparents are here coming from the other side of the country because Mom left my brother and I three weeks ago for some conference and Dad and his wife went to Naxos, Greece this Friday. And I truly wish they didn't come.
I've said some words about my grandparents. They're quite right wings and (not so) mildly conservative, quite opposite of me, which has caused some problems concerning my relationship with them. That definitely sucks, but on the other hand, I can't get away from that I love discussions.
Even though, them being here with me the whole weekend has been challenging. I don't know what's up with them, but I suspect Grandma trying to make everything good again (from what they did when I was having my confirmation). And Grandpa is just acting as nothing's changed. My dreams...
Speaking honest: I know I can be quite harsh with people sometimes, but it's just because I want to challenge the way people look at each other and the rest of the world. I (usually) don't mean anything bad about it. But with my grandparents... I can't deny I'm still a bit mad at them. But if you ask me they haven't done anything trying to make everything good again, so I think I should be allowed to show my feelings for once.
The only thing I want is an apology. Which I probably will never get. And now they're making my weekend worse than it has to be. I don't appreciate it. If you don't like who I am, stay out of my life! I just want to be happy.
I'm angry at them. That's just how it is. Fin.
I've said some words about my grandparents. They're quite right wings and (not so) mildly conservative, quite opposite of me, which has caused some problems concerning my relationship with them. That definitely sucks, but on the other hand, I can't get away from that I love discussions.
Even though, them being here with me the whole weekend has been challenging. I don't know what's up with them, but I suspect Grandma trying to make everything good again (from what they did when I was having my confirmation). And Grandpa is just acting as nothing's changed. My dreams...
Speaking honest: I know I can be quite harsh with people sometimes, but it's just because I want to challenge the way people look at each other and the rest of the world. I (usually) don't mean anything bad about it. But with my grandparents... I can't deny I'm still a bit mad at them. But if you ask me they haven't done anything trying to make everything good again, so I think I should be allowed to show my feelings for once.
The only thing I want is an apology. Which I probably will never get. And now they're making my weekend worse than it has to be. I don't appreciate it. If you don't like who I am, stay out of my life! I just want to be happy.
I'm angry at them. That's just how it is. Fin.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Courage
Finally! I finally went to the school nurse, and now I'm going to talk to her about it. Which is terribly frightening...
For a long time my goal has been to go and talk with the school nurse about the whole sexuality issue and my family and stuff. Half a million times I've said to myself: "This is the day." But nothing ever happened (except that time in June, which didn't lead to anything anyway), summer holiday came and went, and at a sudden my teacher wasn't my teacher anymore. So I couldn't tell her at one of the student/teacher meetings, which is probably the one way I would be able to tell her anything (since I'm such a coward).
Even though, this Tuesday I was thinking it all over once again. So I decided to go for it, and sent a text message to a good friend of mine (who was the only one I could possibly get with me, since I haven't told anyone else) where I asked if she was in for it.
Next day I walked around nervous all morning thinking about when to go. I (believe it or not) tend to not skip classes, but now I had to. So before last class I asked my friend if we could go now, and then we did. Now I'm so glad I didn't try to go alone, because I really couldn't speak. At all...
But now it's OK, and I'm happier than I have been for a long time. Next Wednesday I'm going to talk with her again. I really hope I get words for it all, because I definitely got problems speaking about this. But I think it will get better.
Note: Somehow my writing style has changed dramatically. I don't know how, but it just did. Hopefully I'll be "back to normal" concerning my writing soon. Time will show.
For a long time my goal has been to go and talk with the school nurse about the whole sexuality issue and my family and stuff. Half a million times I've said to myself: "This is the day." But nothing ever happened (except that time in June, which didn't lead to anything anyway), summer holiday came and went, and at a sudden my teacher wasn't my teacher anymore. So I couldn't tell her at one of the student/teacher meetings, which is probably the one way I would be able to tell her anything (since I'm such a coward).
Even though, this Tuesday I was thinking it all over once again. So I decided to go for it, and sent a text message to a good friend of mine (who was the only one I could possibly get with me, since I haven't told anyone else) where I asked if she was in for it.
Next day I walked around nervous all morning thinking about when to go. I (believe it or not) tend to not skip classes, but now I had to. So before last class I asked my friend if we could go now, and then we did. Now I'm so glad I didn't try to go alone, because I really couldn't speak. At all...
But now it's OK, and I'm happier than I have been for a long time. Next Wednesday I'm going to talk with her again. I really hope I get words for it all, because I definitely got problems speaking about this. But I think it will get better.
Note: Somehow my writing style has changed dramatically. I don't know how, but it just did. Hopefully I'll be "back to normal" concerning my writing soon. Time will show.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Election Day
So I did it. I voted!
Here's the thing:
In Norway there's a Lutheran church (run by the government) who got election at the same time as the political election. I'm a member of this church (because my parents enrolled me when I was a baby), and since I'll be 15 this year, I can vote in the church election (but not in the political one, though). And even though I don't consider myself as a Christian, I voted.
Now I know several people will say I'm "using the church" and "not a true Christian". Both of this is true, but who can say the church hasn't used me as well? I never wanted to become a member; This was just decided by my parents when I was born. So why can't I vote? I just did my duty as a citizen.
Actually I agree with those who says I shouldn't have voted. But I did. The reason is that when I am a member, I want to do what I can to make (what I think is) positive changes in the church, and steer it in a liberal direction. That isn't as bad, right? I did it for a reason.
I'm happy I voted. I think I did the right thing. Now my biggest hope is that other people did as well, based on some of the same thoughts as me. And who knows? Maybe Norway will end up with a church that (for once) supports everyone.
Here's the thing:
In Norway there's a Lutheran church (run by the government) who got election at the same time as the political election. I'm a member of this church (because my parents enrolled me when I was a baby), and since I'll be 15 this year, I can vote in the church election (but not in the political one, though). And even though I don't consider myself as a Christian, I voted.
Now I know several people will say I'm "using the church" and "not a true Christian". Both of this is true, but who can say the church hasn't used me as well? I never wanted to become a member; This was just decided by my parents when I was born. So why can't I vote? I just did my duty as a citizen.
Actually I agree with those who says I shouldn't have voted. But I did. The reason is that when I am a member, I want to do what I can to make (what I think is) positive changes in the church, and steer it in a liberal direction. That isn't as bad, right? I did it for a reason.
I'm happy I voted. I think I did the right thing. Now my biggest hope is that other people did as well, based on some of the same thoughts as me. And who knows? Maybe Norway will end up with a church that (for once) supports everyone.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Day To Day
It's been a while since I last posted something about myself right now and what's happening in my life, so I thought "Why not?". Here you go:
School started August 17th. It was just back to do the ordinary stuff with the ordinary people. Or almost. A great teacher, whom I trusted, switched to another class, which sucks. So it's not as easy to talk to her anymore, and she's one of the few I can trust. Now I probably have to do it all myself (damn it).
The thing I have to do is to talk, like really talk, to someone. Someone who can get me out of this darkness. Which means I got to increase my courage up to a level that makes me able to talk about this stuff. And go talk with somebody.
Everything is so much easier inside my head. If I actually could talk about my feelings, I wouldn't be held back with everything today. But I'm too scared.
The plan is to go and talk with the nurse. But a) I don't want to skip class, and b) I can't even knock on that (excuse my language) fucking door. So I have no idea what to do. Except psychoanalyzing myself. Which is scary, and not really working.
Session done for today. Mark in protocol: Never ever become a shrink, marry another one and have children. It's just not a good idea.
School started August 17th. It was just back to do the ordinary stuff with the ordinary people. Or almost. A great teacher, whom I trusted, switched to another class, which sucks. So it's not as easy to talk to her anymore, and she's one of the few I can trust. Now I probably have to do it all myself (damn it).
The thing I have to do is to talk, like really talk, to someone. Someone who can get me out of this darkness. Which means I got to increase my courage up to a level that makes me able to talk about this stuff. And go talk with somebody.
Everything is so much easier inside my head. If I actually could talk about my feelings, I wouldn't be held back with everything today. But I'm too scared.
The plan is to go and talk with the nurse. But a) I don't want to skip class, and b) I can't even knock on that (excuse my language) fucking door. So I have no idea what to do. Except psychoanalyzing myself. Which is scary, and not really working.
Session done for today. Mark in protocol: Never ever become a shrink, marry another one and have children. It's just not a good idea.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Normal Or Not Normal, That's The Question
If I ever get famous (for anything) and write a self biography, it will be named "Normal".
I was thinking on the way home from the grocery store. About my lovely (read ironically) life, and what I make out of the problems I have. Because I (technically) don't have a problem with my sexuality (since I don't really care), and believe it's as normal to be homosexual as heterosexual. So no, I don't have a problem with it. But I do got a problem with what a big part of the world make out of my sexuality. And mostly what they make out of me.
The thing is that a big amount of the Earth's population believe that:
a) Homosexuality is wrong and against all written/unwritten laws;
b) Homosexuality does not exist;
c) Homosexuality in it self isn't wrong, but a person shall not act on his/her feelings.
As much of an expert I can be, being 15 and gay, I would say those thesis are all incorrect.
Back to my problem: I have a problem with people who assume you're strait when you're not. Which basically means almost every single person I happen to know. Which again sucks.
But, OK. That's how we're brought up, how "everyone else" looks at the world: That we're all straight until the contrary is proved. That's just how it is at the moment. I wish it was otherwise. Because it affects the lives of millions of people. People die because of the fact that many look at homosexuality as not "normal".
Yes, we're on our way making it better to not fall under the "umbrella of normal", but we're definitely not all the way there yet. Young people still commit suicide because they don't look at themselves as normal, based on everything from looks, hobbies, personal achievements, family situation, and sexuality. But maybe some day... Personally I can't wait for that day to come.
In the US there's a helpline for LGBTQ youth called The Trevor Project. They do a fantastic job for suicidal LGBTQ youth with a non-profit helpline. To get to know more visit their homepage (), where you may also donate to help them to keep up their good work.
Helpline number (within the US):866-4-U-TREVOR (866-4-8-873867)
I was thinking on the way home from the grocery store. About my lovely (read ironically) life, and what I make out of the problems I have. Because I (technically) don't have a problem with my sexuality (since I don't really care), and believe it's as normal to be homosexual as heterosexual. So no, I don't have a problem with it. But I do got a problem with what a big part of the world make out of my sexuality. And mostly what they make out of me.
The thing is that a big amount of the Earth's population believe that:
a) Homosexuality is wrong and against all written/unwritten laws;
b) Homosexuality does not exist;
c) Homosexuality in it self isn't wrong, but a person shall not act on his/her feelings.
As much of an expert I can be, being 15 and gay, I would say those thesis are all incorrect.
Back to my problem: I have a problem with people who assume you're strait when you're not. Which basically means almost every single person I happen to know. Which again sucks.
But, OK. That's how we're brought up, how "everyone else" looks at the world: That we're all straight until the contrary is proved. That's just how it is at the moment. I wish it was otherwise. Because it affects the lives of millions of people. People die because of the fact that many look at homosexuality as not "normal".
Yes, we're on our way making it better to not fall under the "umbrella of normal", but we're definitely not all the way there yet. Young people still commit suicide because they don't look at themselves as normal, based on everything from looks, hobbies, personal achievements, family situation, and sexuality. But maybe some day... Personally I can't wait for that day to come.
In the US there's a helpline for LGBTQ youth called The Trevor Project. They do a fantastic job for suicidal LGBTQ youth with a non-profit helpline. To get to know more visit their homepage (), where you may also donate to help them to keep up their good work.
Helpline number (within the US):866-4-U-TREVOR (866-4-8-873867)
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