Always Look At Bright Side Of Life

Yes, I think it's pretty important to look at the bright side, but sometimes you have to deal with the bad things as well. It's not good to store the bad feelings, but talk about the things bothering and get over with it. I tried to deal with the bad stuff yesterday, but it didn't work out like I wanted:

I've talked about talking with someone with a good friend of mine (because she's the only one who knows) and we figured out I should ask my teacher about going to the nurse. (In the beginning the plan was to tell her everything, but my teacher is a little bit intimidating, so we figured out just to go for the nurse thing.)
I finally talked to her, but that was like 2 1/2 week before summer break. My teacher couldn't get the nurse on the phone, so she said if it "was in a hurry" I could just go downstairs to her office at the 10th.
So I did go to her office in the lunch break (me halfway dragging my friend, she halfway dragging me), but no one opened the door. Then I pretty much gave up, even though I probably should have skipped class and go down to her (but we're working on a school play, so it wasn't the best time doing it).

Looking at the bright side I did talk to my teacher (I'm so shy that it's quite unbelievable that I actually did), and I'll try again after the summer holidays.

And that song is so awesome!

Who Cares?

Arguing. Discussions. Every person got it's own point of view, even though it sometimes isn't very strong presented. So; Why do we even care being disagree?

I just checked in on the discussion forum on Unge Venstre's web page. Scrolling down on several topics, a thought popped into my mind: Why do we even care? Why do we start arguing in the first place? Why care about politics?

Well, I'm pretty obsessed with politics, and it's hard to not find anything to discuss when talking to me. I got an opinion on everything. And something I find very negative in our present society is how many who tends to not care. OK, maybe it's something that have been for forever, but really? REALLY?! How can't you care about your wage, children's education, health care and civil rights? You serious?

Still, there's one thing I would like to be: I wish schools were more up to front political participation. That we would learn more about politics in general, debating, the different political parties, and what the politics actually does. Because I believe not that many my age knows too much about politics. Since we never learn about it in school...

Yeah, that was just a shout out to... Everyone?
Anyway; Politics rock!

The Bible Says

OK, so I finally told someone that I'm gay. Or, I added her on Twitter, and she found my blog. Which, I believe, might have been quite a shock. I don't know, because I kind of haven't got the guts to talk about it face to face with her. But we'll see, and now she might even read this (which scares me to hell).

Well, me on my way out of the closet isn't that exciting to read about (if any of my thoughts are), but my thoughts about religion and parts of my biological family. Because several persons in my family disagree the way I've chosen within religion.

To understand the whole thing there's some things necessary to know about my family:

* My grandfather was a minister, and even though he used to be preaching in a Protestant church he's doing a good time being Catholic in mind and soul.

* Dad's against abortion, gay rights and researching on stem cells, and a "true Christian."

* There's several others that's more than "a bit" Christian as well, but using a day writing about them ain't worth it.

Anyway, in Norway most of the 15-year-olds "confirm" their faith to God. There's thankfully other options as well, without the Christianity part. So I chose one of those options, against my family's will. Still I got it through. Well, after several weeks learning about religion, love, respect and so on, there was a celebration to celebrate me becoming an adult. Almost everyone in the family came, people held speeches for me and so.

Gramp have been going against it all the way (and he's probably praying for me getting "cured" as well), but I didn't care. In the party he held a speech, pointing out all the Christianity around me and so on. And he gave me a bible. Seriously? When I've tried for months saying I'm an Agnostic, he's giving me a bible!

The sad thing was that he kind of ruined my day. I was about to cry when he gave me it. But that's how it goes.

Not So Good Love After All

This hit me today: Why the hell am I intimidated by my teacher? As I told a couple of weeks ago, I was up to a parent meeting (where my homeroom teacher, let's call her "Joan", my father and I sit down for half an hour talking about me and school). It didn't go terrible, and, thankfully, no words said about the "torpedo hirer." Only thing is that I'm scared to death...

The reason I'm scared isn't because "Joan" is a murder. Nor is she afraid of garlic. The whole stupid thing is that I kind of have a crush on her. And since I wrote about this gay couple (which no 9th grader would ever do if they aren't gay themselves (or so it is in Norway), I'm pretty sure "Joan" thinks I'm gay as well. Like 95% sure.

And, I assure you, that isn't really so bad, after all. But I really want to just tell her instead of writing stupid and terribly bad short stories to explain. Still, there's something that really sucks. Since I have a crush on her, I act horrible when I'm around her. Which is really bad. But the worst thing is that I think she knows...

Yes, she's very accepting (or so I think), but there's no fun in having a crush on your homeroom teacher. Especially not if there's a good chance she knows you're gay and that you got a crush on her.

So, here I am. Madly in love with woman. And there's nothing wrong with it. But what I want is not to have a crush on my homeroom teacher (who grades me in five subjects). I want to tell her I'm gay!

Yeah... That's the reason I try to avoid her in the corridor. But I do look her in the eye, and she looks back. Gosh, I'm really a mess...

FYI: I'm tired and sad, OK? Please don't get mad that I kind of act some egoistic. 'Cause I know. And I'm sorry about that.

Political Parties

I'm seriously up to get involved in politics. Like in a political party. But I just have to find out what party to join... That will be hard.

My Dad's very active in the local KrF (Christian People's Party*), but they're way too conservative for me. I think I'll end with Venstre (Left*), SV (Sosialistic Left*), Ap (The Workers Party*) or Rødt (Read*). But I don't know. And that's what I have to figure out now.

The things I think is important, is education, economics, environment and equality. And this is what I think about each of it:

Education:
* Longer school days with free warm school meals every day and many clubs and activities on school, making school a place to come together.
* Better learning environment and better teachers.
* More parted teaching, easier for "smart kids" to learn new stuff and not getting bored to death.
* A new and proper school revolution.

Economics:
* Using more of our oil funds' money to better schools, hospitals and other communal agencies.
* Help poor countries to develop by learning, not cold hard cash.
* Play a bigger part in the world's economics.

Environment:
* More and higher taxes on pollution.
* Play a bigger part in global environmental issues.
* Bigger resources to scientists working on environmental issues and solutions.

Equality:
* Better education on minorities at school, such as immigrants, the LGBTQ community, and people in different parts of the community.
* More open debates.

Now I see why there are so many argues at home...

*Directly translated, I have no idea what they would be called if they had English names. I just know they're pretty liberal all of them.

I'm Scared. For Real.

On Thursday I got a note from my homeroom teacher. I'm up to a parent meeting. And what stroke to me, even though I knew it would come some day? NOOOO!

The reason I'm not very happy having a parent meeting isn't that I'm such a bad girl. I do well in school, I've never beat up anyone, and I just argue a bit with my teachers. The reason is that I last week wrote a short story at school (kind of like an exam). And it wasn't about planning any terror attack, but about a woman and her becoming wife.

"Jeez, it's just about a gay woman, who cares?" you might say. Well, it's not nothing. First of all, my dad's very conservative. For the second, I'm pretty sure nobody in Norway would ever write about that not being gay themselves, and that will lead my teacher to believe I'm gay. As I am. But the whole thing is that if she ever even hints about that to Dad, who's the one coming, I'll be dead.

No, I'm not scared what my teacher will think or say, but if she ever mentions anything near me being something he doesn't want me to be, life won't be easy the upcoming months.

Gosh, I feel dead already. Just please let it be, I beg you!

If you want to read my story, check out my other site where I post many of much of my written work: http://sunnys-texts.blogspot.com/ (You probably have to scroll a bit down, but it's there, called "The Torpedo Hirer"

A Future Diplomat

I tend to like politics. Those who know me will definitely confirm that. So, in my winter holiday, I asked Dad what he believe is a good job for me. And he said "Diplomat." Well, well... After walking around as crazy thinking about it, I can agree on that.

The pro's:
* I like discussions.
* I don't want to live in Norway.
* I'm doing well with languages.
* I'm quite good ending argues and find solutions best suited for everyone.
* I'm versatile.
* I would definitely love the job.
* I like adventures.

And at the moment, I can't find any con's. Quite lovely, right?

Any other suggestions? I like almost everything. The only thing I definitely can't work with, is soccer. And there's 100% seriousness in that...

"Hi, Meet My Girlfriend!"

I like women. Yep, I do.

For a while now I've been wondering how it would be to have a girlfriend. Of course there are battles, but still it seems quite nice. To have someone who cares for you and love you, like a friend, but also like something more.

Then how will it be when I get a girlfriend? How will my friends react? And my family? Of course I have to tell them my little secret before that time, but will they be like all OK with it, or won't they like her at all? There's so may questions, but so few answers.

And if we say that I find a girlfriend, we fall in love, move in together, and, at the end, get married. If I then go home for vacation to Norway, what will happen? Me wandering through my hometown, meeting old classmates and so. They being 30, working at an office, having a wife or a husband, and maybe a child or more. Me working as a text writer or something, with my wife, and now home for vacation. Will it be just great? Or not?

Yes, and of course, the meeting with a former teacher. They might be retired, or in their middle age working. Ol' an' gray, but still with that same character as they used to have. "Hi, meet my girlfriend! Ain't she sweet?" How would they react? What would they think of me? Will they reply with "Satan has taken you!" or "Oh, hello! Yes, she's adorable!"

Yep, I really want a girlfriend...

Snow, Dear Snow

This is unbelievable news: We have snow! The snow has been here a week now, but it's on it's way back to under the ground. That's a bit sad, though. Because I love snow.

Here where I live the winter lasts for about 2 weeks broken up in smaller pieces of about 4 days in a row with less than 0 degrees Celsius (32 degrees Fahrenheit or less). Now it's been exactly one week with snow and about -5 degrees (Celsius) every day, plus five days with a bright sky.

If you don't live in a place without winter, I would say it's hard to understand. But let so be. There's never a white Christmas (nor for those who live south for the equator, but you don't count,) the whole winter, except 2 weeks, is gray, rainy and dark. No fun. It's not even fun to drink hot chocolate.

But I've been skiing and figure skating on a real lake (without cooling devises in it)! I'm sorry if it's a bit too much snow talk, but really. It's snow! Who doesn't melt when they see lovely white dots falling from heaven?

And by tomorrow it'll be gone...

Home, Sweet Home...?

I read this article in an add-in magazine called Magasinet about "the art of teaching." There was an interview with the Minister of Education as well, and he told what to do to make people become teachers. The school standard isn't so high if you look at test results and stuff compared to other European countries. And that might be caused by some bad teachers. Or bad education of the teachers... I guess on the second one.

So, when I sat there reading, I came up with something: I don't think I'll suck as a teacher. Maybe I'll be quite good. Who knows? Then I thought a little more about it, and was like: That would be quite fun, actually! And maybe I then would return to my home country, where I'm born and raised. Who knows?

The problem is that I've never felt so home here. I don't feel Norway's the place for me. And even if it is... What if homosexuality will never be totally accepted by Norwegians. Especially not Norwegian parents. What if they think I'll recruit others? Or that the kids will come with comments like "Eww... Like kissing girls?" or "That's so disgusting!"

The truth is that I don't believe they will be in ten years. Many of them aren't like that today either. Even though many of them try to be... So, if I'll ever be a teacher and be out as gay, I probably won't meet 20 death threats a day. Or at least I hope not. It won't be that bad.

But another thing is that I don't want to meet people I know. And be out. Maybe that's what I'm most scared of. Maybe not. But I think I'll stick to that theory. I don't want to meet the homeroom teacher I had in eight to tenth grade when I'm 25-30 years old and be like "Hi, nice to see you again! Here, meet my girlfriend [Whatever the name she'll have]. Not gonna happen.

Maybe I won't stay in Norway as I think about it... Nope.